It's Sunday evening and instead of watching [yet another] Ryan Gosling movie online, I decided to write about something that I've been thinking a lot about ever since I arrived in France. Hopefully I will be able to form my thoughts into coherent syntax, but I apologize in advance is what I'm about to write makes no sense (or is already plainly obvious).
Before moving to France, I never gave the term "culture shock" much merit. Whenever I heard people talk about having experienced culture shock, I found myself instantly judging them. For some reason, I tended to assume that they were simply narrow-minded "fuddy-duddy" Americans (for lack of a better term), who couldn't handle new environments and ways of living. I also (naively) assumed that "culture shock" was just a way of "other-ing" another culture -- writing it off it as strange and somehow inferior to "American culture". (I put "American culture" in quotations because I'm not sure there is just one culture in America, but rather a
melange of a bunch of different cultures depending on the part of the country you're in.)
It also took me a while to recognize that the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing were "typical" symptoms of culture shock, because I (wrongly) assumed that:
A. French culture wouldn't be that much different than what I'm used to back in California and
B. I would be able to seamlessly assimilate to life in Paris because I am endlessly open-minded, flexible, observant, and graceful -- a human chameleon, if you will. (Yeah, right.)
While I may blend into the crowd on the streets of Paris now (helped by some key new additions to my wardrobe -- I am now the proud owner of the middle-class, 20-something Parisian "uniform", in essence), I still feel, 5 months later, like an outsider in many respects. But honestly? I like it that way. Let me explain.
Culture shock is defined as: "The feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly
subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes", or more simply as "anxiety in an unfamiliar culture". I experience culture shock daily in a myriad of ways. There are, of course, the more obvious differences: people speak French instead of English, dinner isn't served before 8pm, everything is way too expensive, and everyone wears really uncomfortable, impractical (but stylish) footwear. That stuff doesn't really bother me anymore (well, except maybe the footwear thing because I just wanna wear my sneakers, goddammit). What I wasn't expecting is that I would be so profoundly affected by some of the more subtle cultural differences. These differences still bother me today, and they make staying in Paris long-term much less appealing.
I'll try to explain what I'm talking about. I'll use the metro as my first example, because I'm pretty sure half my life here is spent on some form of public transportation. (Disclaimer, I'm about the generalize the shit out of Parisians and I apologize. I know tons of very nice Parisians, but this is what I see in my every day life and I'm not going to sugar-coat it.)
On the metro (and generally everywhere else in Paris), people do not give a shit about the people around them. Everyone crowds the doors and tries to board the train while people are trying to get off, people will bump you, trample on your feet, and push you into a corner just trying to get a spot on the train. People do not understand the concept of personal space (maybe because everyone lives practically on top of each other in Paris, but still). Men sitting across from me have, on more than one occasion, spread their legs open wide around mine and slouched down in their seat far enough that their knees were practically touching my seat, my legs trapped by theirs while my knees are dangerously close to their... you know. Gross.
People will smoke weed and cigarettes on the train, couples will fight, make up, and then make out on the train, people will fist-fight on the train, and worst of all, people will stare at you on the train. And when I say they will stare at you, I mean that they will stare at you, even after you've met their eyes and they know that you know that they are staring at you. They will continue to stare at you for as long as they damn well please, and then they will pick someone else to stare at.
On the sidewalk in Paris, everyone seems to walk to blinders on. Parisians pretty much refuse to move out of the way for each other, and people will literally walk directly into you rather than change their trajectory. They have somewhere to go and they do not care that you are also a human being with somewhere to go.
Lines. Parisians don't seem to understand the concept of "faire-ing la queue". I have had people try to cut me in line at the supermarket, the bakery, the bank, waiting for the bathroom -- in short, anywhere there is a line, Parisians will try to cut you. They do it without shame, and they feign surprise every time when you call them out on it ("Oh, this is a line?") If they are not trying to cut you in line, they will press their bodies up behind yours and whisper "Avancez! Avanecz!" every time the line moves and your body is not sufficiently glued to the person's in front of you. Angsty teen-agers, little old ladies, business men -- they will all try to cut you. Trust no one.
In short, there is a general lack of respect and compassion for the people around you in Paris that really irks me. Maybe it's because I come from what is probably the "peace and love" capitol of the world, the SF Bay Area, but it makes me sad (and angry) when a whole city of people seem to be so egotistical, impatient, and hurried all the time. I just want to tell the whole city of Paris to take a chill pill and "not sweat the small stuff", but I know they wouldn't understand the concept (or why it's important).
Another area of life in France that makes me cringe is the way people talk to each other. In Paris, if you want something from someone and they don't immediately oblige, your first order of business is to yell at them. Bullying is engrained into the lifestyle in France, and if you do not instantly stand up for yourself (and in most cases, yell back), they will walk all over you in pursuit of their number one. I've experienced a lot of this kind of treatment from my bosses in the teaching program and it feels like shit. I refuse to ever assimilate to this part of Parisian culture.
The term culture "shock" implies that it is a temporary phenomena that will wear off after you've become accustomed to the new culture, so maybe I'm not really experiencing true culture shock anymore. Maybe I just don't like a lot of things about the culture in Paris.
Enough ranting for now. Let it be known that I do not hate Paris -- I've met many amazing people here and I try to appreciate the good things that happen every day. Maybe I'm too sensitive, and that's why the negative stuff weighs heavily on my mind, but oh well, I can't change how I feel. Paris isn't right for me in the long-term, but I'm grateful for the experience, and I now I can say that I truly appreciate each and every friendly, kind, respectful person that I meet.
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